I didn’t plan on writing this post this week – in fact, I was going to share a post on my top 5 destinations for a summer holiday, but I didn’t want everything to come across like it is fine and dandy in camp Eleanor Graceful when this month has been a bit of a roller-coaster.
You see, my mental health has taken a bit of a battering this month. I can’t pinpoint why, but my struggle with anxiety has been even more evident than I’ve felt in a long time.
For me, feeling anxious is a part of my daily routine – I’ve come to live with it, but for some reason this month I have felt so on edge and irritable more so than ever before. My panic attacks feel like they could bubble at any time and I’ve had to up my medication just to feel like I won’t break down.
One of the things that I feel might have contributed to it is moving house. Although that has been one of the biggest steps in my life, and I have loved every minute of owning my own home, the actual impact of the amount of change on my life has been colossal; and for someone who doesn’t deal with change that well normally, it was bound to shake me up this month.
I think as well, because money has been such an important entity this month, I’ve always had that in the back of my mind. I’m normally quite good with my money, because I’ve usually had some to fall back on; but now because I need to know where every penny is going, it is making me feel a bit trapped, which I’ve never really felt before.
Although April has been a really good month in some respects for me – I’ve been to Ibiza for one of my best friend’s hen do, I’ve seen old friends and made some amazing memories with new ones – but it’s still been hard to shake this feeling of unease.
I think in the blogging world there is a really good support network when it comes to mental health, and every time I’m feeling a bit low I know I have a really good group of people I can rely on. Saying that as well, my friends who don’t blog and maybe don’t suffer from as many prominent mental health issues are also amazing when I need them.
Talking about anxiety is a strange one because it brings the feelings to the surface and makes you face them head on, but it also gives you an outlet to get your thoughts in order and share them with people who may also be going through something similar.
It’s always a tenacious decision for me whether to share these kinds of posts on here, but this is my place to share my life on the internet, and this is a very real part of my life.
Maybe one day I will live my life anxiety free, but for now, I’ll keep chugging along this old train that we call life.
Always remember, it’s ok to not be ok.