The Thirty-Something Itch // I’m Not Ready To Grow Up
‘Those who wander are not lost.’
Sometimes the best blogs are the conscious stream of thought that you feel as though you have to get down onto the page before you burst into an anxiety bubble, well that my friends is exactly what you’re reading right now.
This blog is something I used to be so passionate about writing 4/5 posts a week, attending weekly events and actually giving a crap what the numbers meant, but in reality, I’ve lost the spark I once had for it… and that’s ok!
My life has moved in many a different directions since I first starting blogging 8 years ago, but there is comfort in having it here in the background, knowing that I can open my laptop at any time and start writing whatever I feel like on my little corner of the internet, and right now that’s all I want to do.
The truth is over the past year, a lot has changed in my mindset and in all honesty, I feel as though I’m not ready to grow up, take that next step and become the fully fledged adult I feel as though you become once the word ‘children’ doesn’t fill you with fear.
Once you get married, I feel as though the countdown timer starts ticking as to when you announce you are ‘with child’ but for me, that isn’t something that is on my radar whatsoever. I’ve never been the most maternal person, but I do know I want children at some point in the future, and even if I didn’t there’s nothing wrong with that decision either. If it wasn’t for the global pandemic throwing every life plan I’ve ever made up in the air, I never would have had the chance to stop and reflect on what I want as an individual and part of a wider unit.
I see my friends left right and centre, settling down more and more and I am over the moon for them as it means I can have as many baby cuddles as I want whilst still giving the little bundle of joy back to their rightful parents just as the tears start (usually mine…) Not only that but I already feel like I’ve done traditional ‘adult’ things in my life too – I’ve bought two properties, I got married, adopted three pets and earn a decent living.
I love my life as it is and what it’s becoming. I am constantly learning, evolving and trying to be the best version of myself that I can. I’m having fun now life is getting back to normal, and it’s made me realise how much I was missing out on. I don’t want to slot right back into how I was living beforehand, and I think a lot of people would agree that there are parts of the old and new normal that will create the path we want to follow going forward to get the best of both worlds.
I feel very settled as it stands and I want to ride this wave for as long as possible. And let’s face it, we’ve lost a good 18 months of our ‘normal’ life which was a real blessing in disguise for me. I spent more time staying in one place then I was comfortable with, but at the same time it taught me the joy in home comforts, family time and spending time within nature but also that life is too short to be complacent, and the truth was that for a couple of years before the pandemic, I felt as though I was leaning more towards that side of things.
Not only did the pandemic encourage me to uproot my life, move across the country and start a new job, but it also made me realise that there is A LOT I want to do before I really do take that next step in my life. I’m not ready to grow up yet, and that’s fine, and if you are then hats off to you – we’re all in our own boats, riding the same waves, but all getting to the shore at different times.
Peace x